-
Consumed
It’s quiet
It’s dark
I’m still
.
I lay in bed listening
Interpreting every sound
visualizing each source
.
Branch rubbing against the window
Bird feeder tapping the tree
Dishwasher changing cycles
.
I listen with full consciousness
Eyes wide open in the dark
Believing this adds power to my ears
.
Though I want desperately to sleep
Some deeper part of me feels the need to keep alert
If I fall asleep who will respond to the sound that can’t be explained?
The one I fear
This burden is mine
.
As I lay and listen
I imagine and plan
How will I respond?
.
Freeze?
Run?
Hide?
How?
Where?
.
I think about escape routes
I imagine trap doors
.
How I admire those who vow to stand and fight
Prepared by whatever means
To defend themselves, their family, their home
Fear pushed aside
Pride and strength above all else
.
What does this say about me?
Cowering under the covers
.
What am I really afraid of?
Is it an intruder?
Or is this “intruder” I listen for just a symbol of some other fear?
Something in my life I can’t face
.
Where is my strength?
What exactly is my fear?
